| we are gaining speed, i can barely breath; |
[ May 13th, 2009 | 12:54pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
Scheduleeeee!
May 16th- Cazenovia's prom with Dylan
May 24th- Mae concert with Claire?
June 5th- my senior ball with Mike
June 15th- last day of classes, on a Monday...
June 27th- fucking GRADUATIONNNNN!
I feel like I have a lot more things going on
but I can't think of them right now. There are 22
days left of school, wowww. I feel like even though
I am going to college in the same city as my
two best friends, I'll be leaving a lot of people
behind, and going on the opposite side of the state.
How bittersweet this will be.
|
|
[ April 28th, 2009 | 12:09pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 bitchy |
] |
i don't know if i can be friends with her anymore.
although i've been best friends with her for almost 13 years,
time doesn't mattter. i didn't think that i'd ever have a problem
with her the way i did with others.
i always thought that she'd stand by my side and defend me,
but i was very wrong.
it's not just about the "girl code" but the feelings behind it.
i could NEVER do that to my best friend so i just don't understand.
i dont think that anything really justifies the situation
and probably never will. i doubt that i'll ever be able to
look at her the same again.
i've told her how i feel and she seemed like she was sorry
and that things might change, once again, wrong. i don't have
a lot of girl friends, and the ones i have i cherish.
the ones that have lasted mean a lot more, however it doesn't look too good.
i'm tired of being walked over, i'm tired of being taken advantage of.
i'm sick of being the good friend, just to be shoved aside later on.
i'm sorry but this is not fair, i don't deserve this.
i wish that i had the balls to just stop talking to people,
but i care way too much about them and couldn't.
i really need to reevaluate my friends
and how much they really mean to me.
i feel like i should put in the brandnew lyrics...
is that what you call a getaway? tell me what you got away with
cause i've seen more spine in jelly fish
i've seen more guts in eleven-year-old kids
have another drink and drive yourself home
i hope there's ice on all the roads
and you think of me, when you forget your seatbelt
and again when your head goes through the windshield.
is that what you call a tact?
you're as subtle as a brick in the small of my back
so lets end this call, and end this conversation
and is that what you call a getaway? tell me what you got away with
cause you left frays from the ties you severed
when you say best friends means friends forever
|
|
[ April 6th, 2009 | 3:27pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crappy |
] |
"you always miss a best friend"
i've realized how true that really is over
the past couple months.
|
|
[ March 10th, 2009 | 8:57pm ] |
i'm so fucking over girl friendships.
the same shit happens over and over, and you'd
think i'd learn from it? no, why? because i'd
like to think my best friend's have more
dignity and respect for me. apparently not.
peace girls.
|
|
[ February 10th, 2009 | 12:35pm ] |
so i got my wisdom teeth out on friday, oh jeepers.
my mouth is in excruciating pain and i can't eat anything.
new diet: yogurt =) it works wonders, haha.
school is such a drag, it's hard staying motivated after
getting accepted into college. but i don't want to be that person
who gets a letter saying that my college is taking back
their acceptance. so embarrassing. i don't know what i am
waiting for, maybe a sign. i just want out, out of this little town.
my friends are all going to college around the buffalo
area, COMPLETELY on the opposite side of the state from me.
i feel like i won't keep any contact with anyone once i leave
and that scares me. i mean, at least i'm being realistic...
i am looking forward to ball though, my mom and i went to joann
fabric yesterday and looked at patterns. i still can't believe
she is going to be making my dress. it's going to be amazing,
for just $100, sickkkk.
|
| everyday is a struggle; |
[ February 2nd, 2009 | 12:16pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
pessimistic |
] |
have you ever felt like you were walking around in this shell? that you were just going through the motions? i feel like that every single day. i feel really criticized all the time, and nothing i ever do will satisfy anyone. i put out an effort with people and everything that i do, but i don't even get half of it back.
the other day, i made plans with dan, leo and michaela. we met at the mall and was supposed to hang out, just like old times. i spent my time, walking around, feeling ignored and talking to kids from school. i'm not saying they weren't friendly or anything, they were. they talked to me and such, but i felt really distant, especially when they started talking about nottingham.
ever since i started going to westhill, all my connections have been lost. i barely talk to anyone from 'ham anymore and i think both sides have given up. i used to make plans, but they would ditch, or they'd make plans and i was busy.
i'm sick of having these one-way relationships with people. i'm sick of putting so much out there, just to have it ignored. i don't have many legit friends at westhill, i have manda and krissy pretty much. i miss having other friends though. i'm such a people person, only have two right now is weird for me. i hope that college will give me another new experience and that i'll like it a lot better.
i hope no one feels like i am blaming them, or making it sound like i am attacking them. i know how that feels and would never ever do that.
life is moving slowly for once, and i need it to speed up. i want to graduate and i want to leave syracuse now. i really want to live in boston, i just talked to arlen the other day and apparently he's there with his girlfriend. i'm jealous, i want to just get up and leave.
ps. i get to go to college for free. that's a perk.
|
|
[ January 3rd, 2009 | 12:04pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 anxious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
woke up in vegas-smile |
] |
in September I am leaving the ones I love most behind.
that's probably the scariest thing I'll ever have to do.
you guys mean the most to me, forever and ever.
I know we'll stay in touch, but how long will it
be until we grow apart? a month? 6 months? years? never?
sjm, jjt, kdr, ale.
love you.
|
|
[ December 16th, 2008 | 10:58am ] |
christmas break in 4 days.
i can't be more excited.
school is such a headache, especially
since i know where i'm going now.
|
|
[ December 5th, 2008 | 12:02pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 ecstatic |
] |
yesterday i got a letter from Saint Rose,
I GOT IN!
i cried i was so happy. i am going to be sending
my acceptance note very soon, after i get
more information about tuition exchange.
this is one of the best weeks of my life.
fuck yes, college!
|
|
[ December 4th, 2008 | 12:20pm ] |
|
it's almost December break. Only two more weeks or so.
i have so much planned with little to no money, so we'll
see how well it works out.
i am supposed to go see Siobhan in buffalo but with tickets
costing $100, i'm not so sure anymore. and there is talk
about driving down to visit Thomm which is pretty cool
i guess. and my family is coming, ANDDDD i want to see
all my friends i didn't get a chance to see during the
other break. i swear, i'm not going to have enough time.
it's almost january. the months are flying by
and i'm not sure where they are going. college soon? gee.
i need to get a grip and slow down.
|
|
[ November 24th, 2008 | 12:14pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cold |
] |
i wish that i could have the procedure they peform in
eternal sunshine of the spotless mind;
where they completely erase your memory of that one person
who is always in your mind, a pattern.
that would be the perfect thing for me, i am so sure.
feelings just don't dissapear, so where did his go?
|
|
[ November 12th, 2008 | 7:05pm ] |
|
take my advice; there's nothing left here for you.
|
|
[ November 10th, 2008 | 12:09pm ] |
I am sick, again. I have no voice, huge headache, stuffy nose,
sore throat, and shit in my chest. This is the 7th time this year,
meaningggggg TONSILS! I want them out so badly, if they are making
me continuously sick, I don't want them in my mouth. I have a doctor's
appointment soon, like in 40 minutes. I hate missing school, I really
do, especially because I missed thursday and friday. On a better note,
my interview with Saint Rose went really well and I am almost sure that
I am going to be accepted. That like makes my year okay. Oh and, my
school lost the sectional game at teh dome :[
it was really sad...and embarrassing
|
|
[ November 3rd, 2008 | 8:32pm ] |
Obama.
all the fucking way. if you're 18 vote!
or, vote for me! :D
|
| things can only go up from here; |
[ October 29th, 2008 | 7:15pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i hate this part-pcd |
] |
so far, up until christmas i have my months planned out.
friday is halloween. sarah and i are going to last minute
costume shopping, we're not sure what we want to be but
our mission is CORSETS, haha! after that, dinner with her
and jerry, typical. maybe costume party with rach or show
with dave? this is going to be a last minute choice.
sunday! lunch and movie with sabrina? gosh, we've got a lot
of catching up to do. we have to cover the past 4 months
within a couple of hours.
next thursday i have a college interview at st rose. that's
my number one pick right now, and it's wrecking my insides.
my grades are shitty, but i know that i will succeed and be
able to pull it off. i hope that they see that by meeting me
and through all my activities. i have to finish my other
applications sometime this week! i feel like i don't have
enough time for all of this, and that i am going to be rushing
and do a terrible job. i have my fingers crossed though, gah!
cap and gown orders are on wednesday, gee this year is going
by fast. it's almost christmas break and then just 5 more months
pretty much until graduation. fuck, my life is advancing
without me. i want to rewind, start high school over.
i know what to expect and what choices i need to make. but i've
learned a lot by going through all the hardships and they have
made me into a better person.
you need to get hurt to survive, you need to be betrayed to learn
friendship, you need to get pushed down to be able to stand on
your own, and you need to do wrong so you know the right.
|
|
[ October 25th, 2008 | 10:15am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
it feels like i've been losing friends left and right,
and honestly, i am alright with that. i'm not saying they
didn't mean anything to me, i'm not a cold hearted bitch.
for some reason, we've drifted away and neither one of us is
making an effort to regain what we've lost. it's
sad almost, how little it effects me anymore. i think that
since i've lost so many people over the course of 5 years,
another one is just a number. i've made so many new friends
and came out of my shell, finally, that i am okay.
my old friends are old for a reason, the ones that are meant
to stay, will stay. the ones that are meant to fade away,
will or already have. i cherish every friendship i have been
involved with, every one of them had something special that
i can look back and enjoy.
( significant ones... )
friendships are hard to find, and hard to keep.
if it's meant to last, you'll know in the beginning.
|
|
[ October 23rd, 2008 | 3:11pm ] |
|
karma is a bitch.
|
|
[ October 10th, 2008 | 9:44am ] |
i'm pretty much stoked, my hip hop dance class is thinking
about starting a legit team and going to competitions.
carina, sarah and i would prob be 'captains' and we'd be intense,
no fooling around, every saturday no missing more than 2 practices.
well that's our plan, we have to get it approved by our teacher
and head of the department but i think that we could do it.
ballet isn't really my thing anymore, i lovelovelove lyrical and
hip hop; so much energy in smaller movements. if this team happens
it'd make my year, i really want it to. we're not going to win,
but we have a good chance of getting in.
sweeeeeet
|
|
[ October 1st, 2008 | 8:19pm ] |
i can't write shit on here anymore, too many people can see it
and too many people have access. i'm not writing to start drama,
i'm writing for my own personal use. i think all my entries will
be private. gosh, i'm in such a bad mood. thankssss! <3
|
|
[ October 1st, 2008 | 12:05pm ] |
|
bahaha, i just made my friend Kimmy an account. I've pretty much gotten
everyone into LJ/GJ, while Jasmine got me into it. This is kind of old but
i still enjoy updating no one about my life, ha.
nothing has happened, at all. my life is going at a slow moving pace
and finally, i'm content with it. i miss my friends, i miss seeing them.
this summer my class is supposed to be going to Cancun, I'm not sure if
i am going to be. it's a good deal, $1100 for a week; including shelter,
food, and other things. plus the drinking age is 18, and even though i wont
be 18, i can still get some. hahaah, but i don't feel like i'd belong in
that group at all. i hav time to decide. there was talk amongst my HAM friends
about a trip with us, my little group. boston? maybe. i want to
go somewhere for senior year and enjoy it throughly.
|
|
[ September 29th, 2008 | 1:14pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
i'm finally falling into a nice routine.
school, dance and therapy during the week,
and work and going out on the weekends.
i like it, knowing friday + saturday i can
relax and just have fun with my typical group.
senior year is going a lot better than planned.
|
|
[ September 25th, 2008 | 1:23pm ] |
i don't think i can do this anymore.
i've gotten more attached, how can i love
you from so far away?
|
|
[ September 22nd, 2008 | 1:19pm ] |
|
Happy Birthday to me.
another year of life that i'm living.
another year of memories.
another year of adventure.
good luck self.
|
|
[ September 18th, 2008 | 1:31pm ] |
|
i passed my road test.
|
|
[ September 12th, 2008 | 10:08pm ] |
do you know what i love? finding out old news
that i never heard, because i was never told.
i guess you can never trust anyone anymore,
not even kids who say "i'll always be there,
you're amazing, don't let anyone, even me tell you
otherwise. you'll always be my best friend, and
know me the most"
bullshit.
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
sillohuettes's journal